[matthew]

Hi All;

I'm putting this in the critique section because I'd really appreciate hearing any ways to improve the following photos, either as individuals or as a series. I have 114 photos that I haven't used, so also feel free to suggest what you would like to see even if it's not what I'm showing.

As a condition of joining Canada, British Colombia needed a railway to link across the Rocky Mountains. The most difficult and dangerous portion of the work was completed by Chinese labourers, who were recruited from California and mainland China. In the 1880's, over 15000 labourers worked on the project. No records were kept of those who died, but most estimates place the number around 1000 -- two lives for every mile of track they built. Following the completion of the railway, the treatment and conditions for the Chinese in Canada went from bad to worse, with mounting head taxes keeping families separated, racial and social discrimination for those who remained, and eventually an outright ban on Chinese immigration.

These photos are of a monument in downtown Toronto built to honour the contributions of the Chinese railway workers. It is beside the main rail corridor, in a 'linear park' along an access road to a major stadium. Despite its size, the monument is out of the way and feels isolated from the rest of the city.

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how can this be improved?

[shuttertalk]

Hey Matthew, great series - I really enjoyed this one. I like how you really thought about each composition and executed well. Just some comments - please take with huge amounts of salt

#1 - I see what you're trying to achieve, but not sure about the empty space on the right. Perhaps try a portrait crop omitting the right side

#2 - Perfect - love this one, can't suggest anything

#3 - Not sure if I get this one

#4 - The blurred man in the foreground seems to distract my eye too much

#5 - Nice

#6 - Great sihlouette, nicely controlled flare.

[NT73]

#3 Possibly better with portrait format.
#5 Just a bit too much flare for me. A bit to the left, and the beams would knock it out.

Nice series.

[Irma]

#1
The idea of framing with the rocks is really nice but there is too much rock in the picture. It is difficult to figure out which is the main subject.

#2
I like it a lot. It has message to me.

#3
The construction in the middle of the picture takes my eye all the time. Hard to find the statue as well.

#4
I like the way you framed the statue in focus but the one in the foreground bothers a bit.

#5
I think this one would be a candidate to work with cold/warm colors. Making the statue and wood look warmer. You might get a nice contrast there. A bit of detail in the shady part of the construction would be nice too.

#6
I like it a lot, too. But I am not quite sure about the flare. To me it doesn't add to the picture but distracts a bit.

Hope this helps...

[Toad]

I really like #2 and #5 a lot - although with these 2, there is some ambiguity about what story you are telling.

The inclusion of the skyline and cranes etc. in these shots make the monument seem more like it is about the building of Toronto than the railroad - so if you are doing a thematic group about the Chinese railroad worker experience, that might be somewhat misleading.

I think that photos like #4 would be the best for the stated theme - emphasizing the teamwork and the harshness of the working conditions. Ideally, photos that emphasize the interaction of the figures with the wooden/stone structures, and each other would, without reference to the TO skyline be best for developing the story.

On the other hand, if the story you are telling is about the monument itself, than the skyline reference are entirely appropriate.

I will be interested in seeing your final presentation - maybe a thread in the Journalism forum.

[matthew]

Thanks very much for the feedback, everyone. I've been reading your comments with great interest, and tonight it's back to the Lightroom to address some of the series' shortcomings.

Because of the nature of the series, I've been trying to keep a consistent look across the images. Some of the ones here are actually horizontal crops from vertical pictures, so I'm agreeing that the framing isn't ideal for a few of the shots. I may revisit some of the verticals, and see how that fares.

I'm especially intrigued by the opinions on #3, as it's the only one that shows almost the entire monument. It's also one that I struggled with, but wanted to include one "establishing shot" and the rest of the scene is so unattractive that the ultra-wide looking straight up is about my only option. This is especially one that I'll need to rethink.

More notes, and new images, in my next message.

thanks, everyone!

[matthew]

Here's take two -- with the additional note that this is meant to be a series on the monument, not the history. (Thanks, Toad.) This is for my final assignment in my "Digital Photography 2" class, so the instructor will know the specific goal (document the memorial) and will have a passing familiarity with the history outlined in the first message.




1b:




2b:




3b:




4b:




5b:




6b:





I'd love to hear any thoughts on what's been fixed and what's been lost in this new series.

[Toad]

This group hangs together thematically much better I think. Sorry to have harped on the last comment, but sometimes it helps to say in a sentence what your goal is - because that helps develop the theme more concisely.

I like the vertical crops better, and 3b is a great addition to the series.

[matthew]

Thanks, I've been wondering about the inclusion of 3b. I do like this series better, and feel it's a more creative and coherent approach to the subject.

And don't apologize, and you weren't harping - it's an important point that changes how the series should be viewed and evaluated for critique. If I'm being obscure or ambivalent, or simply not providing the information the viewer needs, it's important that someone tells me so. So, thanks again.